《英语天堂》

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英语天堂- 第130部分


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h I didn’t feel as I do; it only makes me completely wretched! I wish I could be as easy as the rest of you!”
And the “rest of them” had good reason to breathe the same prayer; for Marie paraded her new misery as the reason and apology for all sorts of inflictions on every one about her。 Every word that was spoken by anybody; everything that was done or was not done everywhere; was only a new proof that she was surrounded by hard…hearted; insensible beings; who were unmindful of her peculiar sorrows。 Poor Eva heard some of these speeches; and nearly cried her little eyes out; in pity for her mamma; and in sorrow that she should make her so much distress。
In a week or two; there was a great improvement of symptoms;—one of those deceitful lulls; by which her inexorable disease so often beguiles the anxious heart; even on the verge of the grave。 Eva’s step was again in the garden;—in the balconies; she played and laughed again;—and her father; in a transport; declared that they should soon have her as hearty as anybody。 Miss Ophelia and the physician alone felt no encouragement from this illusive truce。 There was one other heart; too; that felt the same certainty; and that was the little heart of Eva。 What is it that sometimes speaks in the soul so calmly; so clearly; that its earthly time is short? Is it the secret instinct of decaying nature; or the soul’s impulsive throb; as immortality draws on? Be it what it may; it rested in the heart of Eva; a calm; sweet; prophetic certainty that Heaven was near; calm as the light of sunset; sweet as the bright stillness of autumn; there her little heart reposed; only troubled by sorrow for those who loved her so dearly。
For the child; though nursed so tenderly; and though life was unfolding before her with every brightness that love and wealth could give; had no regret for herself in dying。
In that book which she and her simple old friend had read so much together; she had seen and taken to her young heart the image of one who loved the little child; and; as she gazed and mused; He had ceased to be an image and a picture of the distant past; and come to be a living; all…surrounding reality。 His love enfolded her childish heart with more than mortal tenderness; and it was to Him; she said; she was going; and to his home。
But her heart yearned with sad tenderness for all that she was to leave behind。 Her father most;—for Eva; though she never distinctly thought so; had an instinctive perception that she was more in his heart than any other。 She loved her mother because she was so loving a creature; and all the selfishness that she had seen in her only saddened and perplexed her; for she had a child’s implicit trust that her mother could not do wrong。 There was something about her that Eva never could make out; and she always smoothed it over with thinking that; after all; it was mamma; and she loved her very dearly indeed。
She felt; too; for those fond; faithful servants; to whom she was as daylight and sunshine。 Children do not usually generalize; but Eva was an uncommonly mature child; and the things that she had witnessed of the evils of the system under which they were living had fallen; one by one; into the depths of her thoughtful; pondering heart。 She had vague longings to do something for them;—to bless and save not only them; but all in their condition;—longings that contrasted sadly with the feebleness of her little frame。
“Uncle Tom;” she said; one day; when she was reading to her friend; “I can understand why Jesus wanted to die for us。”
“Why; Miss Eva?”
“Because I’ve felt so; too。”
“What is it Miss Eva?—I don’t understand。”
“I can’t tell you; but; when I saw those poor creatures on the boat; you know; when you came up and I;—some had lost their mothers; and some their husbands; and some mothers cried for their little children—and when I heard about poor Prue;—oh; wasn’t that dreadful!—and a great many other times; I’ve felt that I would be glad to die; if my dying could stop all this misery。 I would die for them; Tom; if I could;” said the child; earnestly; laying her little thin hand on his。
Tom looked at the child with awe; and when she; hearing her father’s voice; glided away; he wiped his eyes many times; as he looked after her。
“It’s jest no use tryin’ to keep Miss Eva here;” he said to Mammy; whom he met a moment after。 “She’s got the Lord’s mark in her forehead。”
“Ah; yes; yes;” said Mammy; raising her hands; “I’ve allers said so。 She wasn’t never like a child that’s to live—there was allers something deep in her eyes。 I’ve told Missis so; many the time; it’s a comin’ true;—we all sees it;—dear; little; blessed lamb!”
Eva came tripping up the verandah steps to her father。 It was late in the afternoon; and the rays of the sun formed a kind of glory behind her; as she came forward in her white dress; with her golden hair and glowing cheeks; her eyes unnaturally bright with the slow fever that burned in her veins。
St。 Clare had called her to show a statuette that he had been buying for her; but her appearance; as she came on; impressed him suddenly and painfully。 There is a kind of beauty so intense; yet so fragile; that we cannot bear to look at it。 Her father folded her suddenly in his arms; and almost forgot what he was going to tell her。
“Eva; dear; you are better now…a…days;—are you not?”
“Papa;” said Eva; with sudden firmness “I’ve had things I wanted to say to you; a great while。 I want to say them now; before I get weaker。”
St。 Clare trembled as Eva seated herself in his lap。 She laid her head on his bosom; and said;
“It’s all no use; papa; to keep it to myself any longer。 The time is coming that I am going to leave you。 I am going; and never to come back!” and Eva sobbed。
“O; now; my dear little Eva!” said St。 Clare; trembling as he spoke; but speaking cheerfully; “you’ve got nervous and low…spirited; you mustn’t indulge such gloomy thoughts。 See here; I’ve bought a statuette for you!”
“No; papa;” said Eva; putting it gently away; “don’t deceive yourself!—I am not any better; I know it perfectly well;—and I am going; before long。 I am not nervous;—I am not low…spirited。 If it were not for you; papa; and my friends; I should be perfectly happy。 I want to go;—I long to go!”
“Why; dear child; what has made your poor little heart so sad? You have had everything; to make you happy; that could be given you。”
“I had rather be in heaven; though; only for my friends’ sake; I would be willing to live。 There are a great many things here that make me sad; that seem dreadful to me; I had rather be there; but I don’t want to leave you;—it almost breaks my heart!”
“What makes you sad; and seems dreadful; Eva?”
“O; things that are done; and done all the time。 I feel sad for our poor people; they love me dearly; and they are all good and kind to me。 I wish; papa; they were all free。”
“Why; Eva; child; don’t you think they are well enough off now?”
“O; but; papa; if anything should happen to you; what would become of them? There are very few men like you; papa。 Uncle Alfred isn’t like you; and mamma isn’t; and then; think of poor old Prue’s owners! What horr
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