than eighty years had passed since Carlisle had found Esme； and yet he still looked at her with the incredulous eyes of first love。 It would always be that way for them。 It would always be that way for me； too。 I would always love this fragile human girl； for the rest of my limitless existence。 I gazed at her unconscious face； feeling this love for her settle into every portion of my stone body。 She slept more peacefully now； a slight smile on her lips。 Always watching her； I began to plot。 I loved her； and so I would try to be strong enough to leave her。 I knew I wasn t that strong now。 I would work on that one。 But perhaps I was strong enough to circumvent the future in another way。 Alice had seen only two futures for Bella； and now I understood them both。 Loving
her would not keep me from killing her； if I let myself make mistakes。 Yet I could not feel the monster now； could not find him anywhere in me。 Perhaps love had silenced him forever。 If I killed her now； it would not be intentional； only a horrible accident。 I would have to be inordinately careful。 I would never； ever be able to let my guard down。 I would have to control my every breath。 I would have to keep an always cautious distance。 I would not make mistakes。 I finally understood that second future。 I d been baffled by that vision what could possibly happen to result in Bella being a prisoner to this immortal halflife？ Now devastated by longing for the girl I could understand how I might； in unforgivable selfishness； ask my father for that favor。 Ask him to take away her life and her soul so that I could keep her forever。 She deserved better。 But I saw one more future； one thin wire that I might be able to walk； if I could keep my balance。 Could I do it？ Be with her and leave her human？ Deliberately； I took a deep breath； and then another； letting her scent rip through me like wildfire。 The room was thick with her perfume； her fragrance was layered on every surface。 My head swam； but I fought the spinning。 I would have to get used to this； if I were going to attempt any kind of relationship with her。 I took another deep； burning breath。 I watched her sleeping until the sun rose behind the eastern clouds； plotting and breathing。 I got home just after the others had left for school。 I changed quickly； avoiding Esme s questioning eyes。 She saw the feverish light in my face； and she felt both worry and relief。 My long melancholy had pained her； and she was glad it seemed to be over。 I ran to school； arriving a few seconds after my siblings did。 They did not turn； though Alice at least must have known that I stood here in the thick woods that bordered the pavement。 I waited until no one was looking； and then I strolled casually from between the trees into the lot full of parked cars。 I heard Bella s truck rumbling around the corner； and I paused behind a Suburban； where I could watch without being seen。 She drove into the lot； glaring at my Volvo for a long moment before she parked in one of the most distant spaces； a frown on her face。 It was strange to remember that she was probably still angry with me； and with good reason。 I wanted to laugh at myself or kick myself。 All my plotting and planning was entirely moot if she didn t care for me； too； wasn t it？ Her dream could have been about something pletely random。 I was such an arrogant fool。 Well； it was so much the better for her if she didn t care for me。 That wouldn t
stop me from pursuing her； but I would give her fair warning as I pursued。 her that。 I walked silently forward； wondering how best to approach her。 I owed She made it easy。 Her truck key slipped through her fingers as she got out； and fell into a deep puddle。 She reached down； but I got to it first； retrieving it before she had to put her fingers in the cold water。 I leaned back against her truck as she started and then straightened up。 How do you do that？ she demanded。 Yes； she was still angry。 I offered her the key。 Do what？ I took a deep breath； She held her hand out； and I dropped the key in her palm。 pulling in her scent。 Appear out of thin air； she clarified。 Bella； it s not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant。 wry； almost a joke。 Was there anything she didn t see？ Did she hear how my voice wrapped around her name like a caress？ She glared at me； not appreciating my humor。 fear？ After a moment； she looked down。 The words were Her heartbeat sped from anger？ From Why the traffic jam last night？ she asked without meeting my eyes。 I thought you were supposed to be pretending I don t exist； not irritating me to death。 Still very angry。 It was going to take some effort to make things right with her。 I remembered my resolve to be truthful with her That was for Tyler s sake； not mine。 I had to give him his chance。 laughed。 I couldn t help it； thinking of her expression yesterday。 And then I You she gasped； and then broke off； appearing to be too furious to finish。 There it was that same expression。 enough already。 I choked back another laugh。 She was mad And I m not pretending you don t exist； I finished。 It was right to keep this casual； teasing。 She would not understand if I let her see how I really felt。 I would frighten her。 I had to keep my feelings in check； keep things light So you are trying to irritate me to death？ A quick flash of anger pulsed through me。 Since Tyler s van didn t do the job？ Could she honestly believe that？ It was irrational for me to be so affronted she didn t know of the transformation that had happened in the night。 But I was angry all the same。
Bella； you are utterly absurd； I snapped。 Her face flushed； and she turned her back on me。 Remorse。 I had no right to my anger。 She began to walk away。 Wait； I pleaded。 She did not stop； so I followed after her。 I m sorry； that was rude。 I m not saying it isn t true it was absurd to imagine that I wanted her harmed in any way but it was rude to say it； anyway。 Why won t you leave me alone？ Believe me； I wanted to say。 I ve tried。 Oh； and also； I m wretchedly in love with you。 Keep it light。 I wanted to ask you something； but you sidetracked me。 just occurred to me； and I laughed。 Do you have a multiple personality disorder？ she asked。 It must seem that way。 me。 My mood was erratic； so many new emotions coursing through A course of action had You re doing it again； I pointed out。 She sighed。 Fine then。 What do you want to ask？ I was wondering if； a week from Saturday I watched the shock cross her face； and choked back another laugh。 You know； the day of the spring dance She cut me off； finally returning her eyes to mine。 Yes。 Will you let me finish？ Are you trying to be funny？ She waited in silence； her teeth pressing into her soft lower lip。 That sight distracted me for a second。 Strange； unfamiliar reactions stirred deep in my forgotten human core。 I tried to shake them off so I could play my role。 I heard you say that you were going to Seattle that day； and I was wondering if you wanted a ride？ I offered。 I d realized that； better than just questioning her about her plans； I might share them。 She stared at me blankly。 What？ Do you want a ride to Seattle？ Alone in a car with her my throat burned at the thought。 I took a deep breath。 Get used to it。 With who？ sh