please； I pleaded。 I m sorry； what？ I barely had enough control to try to explain what I needed。 Just prattle about something unimportant until I calm down； I instructed； my jaw still locked。 Only the fact that she needed me held me inside the car。 I could hear the man s thoughts； his disappointment and anger I knew where to find him I closed my eyes； wishing that I couldn t see anyway Um She hesitated trying to make sense of my request； I imagined。 I m going to run over Tyler Crowley tomorrow before school？ She said this like it was a question。 Yes this was what I needed。 Of course Bella would e up with something unexpected。 Like it had been before； the threat of violence ing through her lips was hilarious so ical it was jarring。 If I had not been burning with the urge to kill； I would have laughed。 Why？ I barked out； to force her to speak again。 He s telling everyone that he s taking me to prom； she said； her voice filled with her tigerkitten outrage。 Either he s insane or he s still trying to make up for almost killing me last well you remember it； she inserted dryly； and he thinks prom is somehow the correct way to do this。 So I figure if I endanger his life； then we re even； and he can t keep trying to make amends。 I don t need enemies and maybe Lauren would back off if he left me alone。 I might have to total his Sentra； though； she went on； thoughtful now。 If he doesn t have a ride he can t take anyone to prom It was encouraging to see that she sometimes got things wrong。 Tyler s persistence had nothing to do with the accident。 She didn t seem to understand the appeal she held for the human boys at the high school。 Did she not see the appeal she had for me； either？ Ah； it was working。 The baffling processes of her mind were always engrossing。 was beginning to gain control of myself； to see something beyond vengeance and torture I
I heard about that； I told her。 continue。 She had stopped talking； and I needed her to You did？ she asked incredulously。 And then her voice was angrier than before。 If he s paralyzed from the neck down； he can t go to the prom either。 I wished there was someway I could ask her to continue with the threats of death and bodily harm with out sounding insane。 She couldn t have picked a better way to calm me。 And her words just sarcasm in her case； hyperbole were a reminder I dearly needed in this moment。 I sighed； and opened my eyes。 Better？ she asked timidly。 Not really。 No； I was calmer； but not better。 Because I d just realized that I could not kill the monster named Lonnie； and I still wanted that more than almost anything else in the world。 Almost。 The only thing in this moment that I wanted more than to mit a highly justifiable murder； was this girl。 And； though I couldn t have her； just the dream of having her made it impossible for me to go on a killing spree tonight no matter how defensible such a thing might be。 Bella deserved better than a killer。 I d spent seven decades trying to be something other than that anything other than a killer。 Those years of effort could never make me worthy of the girl sitting beside me。 And yet； I felt that if I returned to that life the life of a killer for even one night； I would surely put her out of my reach forever。 Even if I didn t drink their blood even if I didn t have that evidence blazing red in my eyes wouldn t she sense the difference？ I was trying to be good enough for her。 trying。 What s wrong？ she whispered。 Her breath filled my nose； and I was reminded why I could not deserve her。 After all of this； even with as much as I loved her she still made my mouth water。 I would give her as much honesty as I could。 I owed her that。 It was an impossible goal。 I would keep Sometimes I have a problem with my temper； Bella。 I stared out into the black night； wishing both that she would hear the horror inherent in my words and also that she would not。 Mostly that she would not。 Run； Bella； run。 Stay； Bella； stay。 But it wouldn t be helpful for me to turn around and hunt down those Just thinking about it almost pulled me from the car。 I took a deep breath； letting her scent scorch down my throat。 At least； that s what I m trying to convince myself。 Oh。 She said nothing else。 How much had she heard in my words？ I glanced at her furtively； but her face was unreadable。 Blank with shock； perhaps。 Well； she
wasn t screaming。 Not yet。 I warred with myself； trying to be what I should be。 It was quiet for a moment。 What I couldn t be。 Jessica and Angela will be worried； she said quietly。 Her voice was very calm； and I was not sure how that could be。 Was she in shock？ Maybe tonight s events hadn t sunk in for her yet。 I was supposed to meet them。 Did she want to be away from me？ worry？ Or was she just worried about her friends I didn t answer her； but I started the car and took her back。 Every inch closer I got to the town； the harder it was to hold on to my purpose。 I was just so close to him If it was impossible if I could never have nor deserve this girl then where was the sense in letting the man go unpunished？ Surely I could allow myself that much No。 I wasn t giving up。 Not yet。 I wanted her too much to surrender。 We were at the restaurant where she was supposed to meet her friends before I d even begun to make sense of my thoughts。 Jessica and Angela were finished eating； and both now truly worried about Bella。 They were on their way to search for her； heading off along the dark street。 It was not a good night for them to be wandering How did you know where ？ Bella s unfinished question interrupted me； and I realized that I had made yet another gaffe。 I d been too distracted to remember to ask her where she was supposed to meet her friends。 But； instead of finishing the inquiry and pressing the point； Bella just shook her head and halfsmiled。 What did that mean？ Well； I didn t have time to puzzle over her strange acceptance of my stranger knowledge。 I opened my door。 What are you doing？ she asked； sounding startled。 Not letting you out of my sight。 Not allowing myself to be alone tonight。 that order。 I m taking you to dinner。 In Well this should be interesting。 It seemed like another night entirely when I d imagined bringing Alice along and pretending to choose the same restaurant as Bella and her friends by accident。 And now； here I was； practically on a date with the girl。 Only it didn t count； because I wasn t giving her a chance to say no。 She already had her door half open before I d walked around the car it wasn t usually so frustrating to have to move at an inconspicuous speed instead of waiting for me to get it for her。 Was this because she wasn t used to being treated like a lady； or because she didn t think of me as a gentleman？ I waited for her to join me； getting more anxious as her girlfriends continued in
toward the dark corner。 Go stop Jessica and Angela before I have to track them down； too； I ordered quickly。 I don t think I could restrain myself if I ran into your other friends again。 No； I would not be strong enough for that。 She shuddered； and then quickly collected herself。 She took half a step after them； calling； Jess！ Angela！ in a loud voice。 They turned； and she waved her arm over her head to catch their attention。 Bella！ Oh；