be done to fix whatever it was that was wrong with her； what ever it was that made her content to sit beside a vampire with her heart beating calmly and steadily。 I would watch over the facility； naturally； and visit as often as I was allowed You re angry； she sighed。 I shouldn t have said anything。 As if her hiding these disturbing tendencies would help either of us。 No。 I d rather know what you re thinking even if what you re thinking is insane。 So I m wrong again？ she asked； a bit belligerent now。 That s not what I was referring to！ My teeth clenched together again。 doesn t matter ！ I repeated in a scathing tone。 She gasped。 I m right？ It Does it matter？ I countered。 She took a deep breath。 I waited angrily for her answer。 But I am curious。 She knew I was inhuman； a I Not really； she said； her voice posed again。 Not really。 It didn t really matter。 She didn t care。 monster； and this didn t really matter to her。 Aside from my worries about her sanity； I began to feel a swelling of hope。 tried to quash it。 What are you curious about？ I asked her。 details。 How old are you？ she asked。 My answer was automatic and ingrained。 And how long have you been seventeen？ I tried not to smile at the patronizing tone。 A while； I admitted。 Seventeen。 There were no secrets left； only minor Okay； she said； abruptly enthusiastic。 She smiled up at me。 back； anxious again about her mental health； she smiled wider。 Don t laugh； she warned。 When I stared I grimaced。 But how can you e out during the daytime？ Her research had not ted her anything unusual； I laughed despite her request。 it seemed。 Myth； I told her。 Burned by the sun？ Myth。
Sleeping in coffins？ Myth。 Sleep had not been a part of my life for so long not until these last few nights； as I d watched Bella dreaming I can t sleep； I murmured； answering her question more fully。 She was silent for a moment。 At all？ she asked。 Never； I breathed。 I stared into her eyes； wide under the thick fringe of lashes； and yearned for sleep。 Not for oblivion； as I had before； not to escape boredom； but because I wanted to dream。 Maybe； if I could be unconscious； if I could dream； I could live for a few hours in a world where she and I could be together。 She dreamed of me。 I wanted to dream of her。 She stared back at me； her expression full of wonder。 I could not dream of her。 She should not dream of me。 I had to look away。 You haven t asked me the most important question yet； I said； my silent chest colder and harder than before。 She had to be forced to understand。 At some point； she would have to realize what she was doing now。 She must be made to see that this all did matter more than any other consideration。 Considerations like the fact that I loved her。 Which one is that？ she asked； surprised and unaware。 This only made my voice harder。 Oh。 That。 You aren t concerned about my diet？ She spoke in a quiet tone that I couldn t interpret。 Don t you want to know if I drink blood？ Finally。 She was understanding。 Yes； that。 She cringed away from my question。 Well； Jacob said something about that； she said。 What did Jacob say？ He said you didn t hunt people。 He said your family wasn t supposed to be dangerous because you only hunted animals。 He said we weren t dangerous？ I repeated cynically。 Not exactly； she clarified。 He said you weren t supposed to be dangerous。 the Quileutes still didn t want you on their land； just in case。 But I stared at the road； my thoughts in a hopeless snarl； my throat aching with the familiar fiery thirst。 So； was he right？ she asked； as calmly as if she were confirming a weather
report。 About not hunting people？ The Quileutes have a long memory。 She nodded to herself； thinking hard。 Don t let that make you placent； though； I said quickly。 keep their distance from us。 We are still dangerous。 I don t understand。 No she didn t。 How to make her see？ They re right to We try； I told her。 We re usually very good at what we do。 Sometimes we make mistakes。 Me； for example； allowing myself to be alone with you。 Her scent was still a force in the car。 I was growing used to it； I could almost ignore it； but there was no denying that my body still yearned toward her for the wrong reason。 My mouth was swimming with venom。 This is a mistake？ she asked； and there was heartbreak in her voice。 The sound of it disarmed me。 She wanted to be with me despite everything； she wanted to be with me。 Hope swelled again； and I beat it back。 A very dangerous one； I told her truthfully； wishing the truth could really somehow cease to matter。 She didn t respond for a moment。 I heard her breathing change it hitched in strange ways that did not sound like fear。 Tell me more； she said suddenly； her voice distorted by anguish。 I examined her carefully。 She was in pain。 How had I allowed this？ What more do you want to know？ I asked； trying to think of a way to keep her from hurting。 She should not hurt。 I couldn t let her be hurt。 Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people； she said； still anguished。 Wasn t it obvious？ Or maybe this didn t matter to her either。 I don t want to be a monster； I muttered。 But animals aren t enough？ I searched for another parison； a way that she could understand。 I can t be sure； of course； but I d pare it to living on tofu and soy milk； we call ourselves vegetarians； our little inside joke。 It doesn t pletely satiate the hunger or rather thirst。 But it keeps us strong enough to resist。 Most of the time。 My voice got lower； I was ashamed of danger I had allowed her to be in。 Danger I continued to allow Sometimes it s more difficult than others。 Is it very difficult for you now？
I sighed。 admitted。 Of course she would ask the question I didn t want to answer。 Yes； I I expected her physical response correctly this time： her breathing held steady； her heart kept its even pattern。 I expected it； but I did not understand it。 How could she not be afraid？ But you re not hungry now； she declared； perfectly sure of herself。 Why do you think that？ Your eyes； she said； her tone offhand。 I told you I had a theory。 I ve noticed that people men in particular are crabbier when they re hungry。 I chuckled at her description： crabby。 There was an understatement。 But she was dead right； as usual。 You are observant； aren t you？ I laughed again。 She smiled a little； the crease returning between her eyes as if she were concentrating on something。 Were you hunting this weekend； with Emmett？ she asked after my laugh had faded。 The casual way she spoke was as fascinating as it was frustrating。 Could she really accept so much in stride？ I was closer to shock than she seemed to be。 Yes； I told her； and then； as I was about to leave it at that； I felt the same urge I d had in the restaurant： I wanted her to know me。 I didn t want to leave； I went on slowly； but it was necessary。 It s a bit easier to be around you when I m not thirsty。 Why didn t you want to leave？ I took a deep breath； and then turned to meet her gaze。 difficult in a very different way。 This kind of honesty was It makes me anxious； I supposed that word would suffice； though it wasn t strong enough； to be away from you。 I wasn t joking when I asked you to try not to fall in the ocean or get run over last Thursday。 I was distracted all we