5 midnight sun午夜阳光- 第68部分

What？　Bella　demanded。　My　eyes　refocused　on　her　face。　me　again。　She　looked　at　Mike　s　retreating　back；　and　then　at　Newton　s　getting　on　my　nerves；　I　admitted。　Her　mouth　fell　open；　and　her　smile　disappeared。　She　must　have　forgotten　that　I　d　had　the　power　to　watch　through　her　calamitous　last　hour；　or　hoped　that　I　hadn　t　utilized　it。　You　weren　t　listening　again？　How　s　your　head？　You　re　unbelievable！　she　said　through　her　teeth；　and　then　she　turned　away　from　me　and　stalked　furiously　toward　the　parking　lot。　Her　skin　flushed　dark　red　she　was　embarrassed。　I　kept　pace　with　her；　hoping　that　her　anger　would　pass　soon。　quick　to　forgive　me。　She　was　usually　It　You　were　the　one　who　mentioned　how　I　d　never　seen　you　in　Gym；　I　explained。　made　me　curious。　She　didn　t　answer；　her　eyebrows　pulled　together。　She　came　to　a　sudden　halt　in　the　parking　lot　when　she　realized　that　the　way　to　my　car　was　blocked　by　a　crowd　of　male　students。　I　wonder　how　fast　they　ve　gone　in　this　thing　Look　at　the　SMG　shift　paddles。　side　grills　I　ve　never　seen　those　outside　of　a　magazine　Nice　Sure　wish　I　had　sixty　thousand　dollars　laying　around　This　was　exactly　why　it　was　better　for　Rosalie　to　only　use　her　car　out　of　town。　I　wound　through　the　throng　of　lustful　boys　to　my　car；　after　a　second　of　hesitation；　Bella　followed　suit。　Ostentatious；　I　muttered　as　she　climbed　in。　What　kind　of　car　is　that？　she　wondered。　An　M3。　She　frowned。　I　don　t　speak　Car　and　Driver。　It　s　a　BMW。　I　rolled　my　eyes　and　then　focused　on　backing　out　without　running　anyone　down。　I　had　to　lock　eyes　with　a　few　boys　that　didn　t　seem　willing　to　move　out　of　my　way。　A　halfsecond　meeting　my　gaze　seemed　to　be　enough　to　convince　them。　Are　you　still　angry？　I　asked　her。　Her　frown　had　relaxed。

Definitely；　she　answered　curtly。　I　sighed。　Maybe　I　shouldn　t　have　brought　it　up。　Oh　well。　amends；　I　supposed。　Will　you　forgive　me　if　I　apologize？　She　thought　about　that　for　a　moment。　you　promise　not　to　do　it　again。　I　could　try　to　make　Maybe　if　you　mean　it；　she　decided。　And　if　I　wasn　t　going　to　lie　to　her；　and　there　was　no　way　I　was　agreeing　to　that。　Perhaps　if　I　offered　her　a　different　exchange。　How　about　if　I　mean　it；　and　I　agree　to　let　you　drive　this　Saturday？　internally　at　the　thought。　I　cringed　The　furrow　popped　into　existence　between　her　eyes　as　she　considered　the　new　bargain。　Deal；　she　said　after　a　moment　of　thought。　Now　for　my　apology　I　d　never　tried　to　dazzle　Bella　on　purpose　before；　but　now　seemed　like　a　good　time。　I　stared　deep　into　her　eyes　as　I　drove　away　from　the　school；　wondering　if　I　was　doing　it　right。　I　used　my　most　persuasive　tone。　Then　I　m　very　sorry　I　upset　you。　Her　heartbeat　thudded　louder　than　before；　and　the　rhythm　was　abruptly　staccato。　Her　eyes　widened；　looking　a　little　stunned。　I　halfsmiled。　It　seemed　like　I　d　gotten　it　right。　Of　course；　I　was　having　a　bit　of　difficulty　looking　away　from　her　eyes；　too。　Equally　dazzled。　It　was　a　good　thing　I　had　this　road　memorized。　And　I　ll　be　on　your　doorstep　bright　and　early　Saturday　morning；　I　added；　finishing　the　agreement。　She　blinked　swiftly；　shaking　her　head　as　if　to　clear　it。　Um；　she　said；　it　doesn　t　help　with　the　Charlie　situation　if　an　unexplained　Volvo　is　left　in　the　driveway。　Ah；　how　little　she　still　knew　me。　How　she　started　to　ask。　I　interrupted　her。　The　answer　would　be　hard　to　explain　without　a　demonstration；　and　now　was　hardly　the　time。　Don　t　worry　about　it。　I　ll　be　there；　no　car。　She　put　her　head　on　one　side；　and　looked　for　a　second　like　she　was　going　to　press　for　more；　but　then　she　seemed　to　change　her　mind。　Is　it　later　yet？　she　asked；　reminding　me　of　our　unfinished　conversation　in　the　cafeteria　today；　she　d　let　go　of　one　difficult　question　just　to　return　another　that　was　more　unappealing。　I　suppose　it　is　later；　I　agreed　unwillingly。　I　parked　in　front　of　her　house；　tensing　as　I　tried　to　think　of　how　to　explain　without　making　my　monstrous　nature　too　evident；　without　frightening　her　again。　Or　was　that　wrong？　To　minimalize　my　darkness？　She　waited　with　the　same　politely　interested　mask　she　d　worn　at　lunch。　been　less　anxious；　her　preposterous　calm　would　have　made　me　laugh。　If　I　d　I　wasn　t　intending　to　bring　a　car。

And　you　still　want　to　know　why　you　can　t　see　me　hunt？　I　asked。　Well；　mostly　I　was　wondering　about　your　reaction；　she　said。　Did　I　frighten　you？　I　asked；　positive　that　she　would　deny　it。　No。　I　tried　not　to　smile；　and　failed。　I　apologize　for　scaring　you。　And　then　my　smile　vanished　with　the　momentary　humor。　It　was　just　the　very　thought　of　you　being　there　while　we　hunted。　That　would　be　bad？　The　mental　picture　was　too　much　Bella；　so　vulnerable　in　the　empty　darkness；　myself；　out　of　control　I　tried　to　banish　it　from　my　head。　Extremely。　Because　？　I　took　a　deep　breath；　concentrating　for　one　moment　on　the　burning　thirst。　Feeling　it；　managing　it；　proving　my　dominion　over　it。　It　would　never　control　me　again　I　willed　that　to　be　true。　I　would　be　safe　for　her。　I　stared　at　the　wele　clouds　without　seeing　them；　wishing　I　could　believe　that　my　determination　would　make　any　difference　if　I　were　hunting　when　I　crossed　her　scent。　When　we　hunt　we　give　ourselves　over　to　our　senses；　I　told　her；　thinking　through　each　word　before　I　spoke　it。　Govern　less　with　our　minds。　Especially　our　sense　of　smell。　If　you　were　anywhere　near　me　when　I　lost　control　that　way　I　shook　my　head　in　agony　at　the　thought　of　what　would　not　what　could；　but　what　would　surely　happen　then。　I　listened　to　the　spike　in　her　heartbeat；　and　then　turned；　restless；　to　read　her　eyes。　Bella　s　face　was　posed；　her　eyes　grave。　Her　mouth　was　pursed　just　slightly　in　what　I　guessed　was　concern。　But　concern　for　what？　Her　own　safety？　Or　my　anguish？　I　continued　to　stare　at　her；　trying　to　translate　her　ambiguous　expression　into　sure　fact。　She　gazed　back。　Her　eyes　grew　wider　after　a　moment；　and　her　pupils　dilated；　though　the　light　had　not　changed。　My　breathing　accelerated；　and　suddenly　the　quiet　in　the　car　seemed　to　be　humming；　just　like　in　the　darkened　biology　room　this　afternoon。　The　pulsing　current　raced　between　us　again；　and　my　desire　to　touch　her　was；　briefly；　stronger　even　than　the　demands　of　my　thirst。　The　throbbing　electricity　made　it　feel　like　I　had　a　pulse　again。　My　body　sang　with　it。　Like　I　was　human。　More　than　anything　in　the　world；　I　wanted　to　feel　the　heat　of　her　lips　against　mine。　For　one　second；　I　struggled　desperately　to　find　the　strength；　the　control；　to　able　to　put　my　mouth　so　close　to　her　skin　She　sucked　in　a　ragged　breath；　and　only　then　did　I　realize　that　when　I　had　started　breathing　faster；　she　had　stopped　breathing　altogether。　I　closed　my　eyes；　trying　to　break　the　connection　between　us。　No　more　mistakes。　Bella　s　existence　was　tied　to　a　thousand　delicately　balanced　chemical　processes；　all　so　easily　disrupted。　The　rhythmic　expansion　of　her　lungs；　the　flow　of　oxygen；

was　life　or　death　to　her。　The　fluttering　cadence　of　her　fragile　heart　could　be　stopped　by　so　many　stupid　accidents　or　illnesses　or　by　me。　I　did　not　believe　that　any　member　of　my　family　would　hesitate　if　he　or　she　were　offered　a　chance　back　if　he　or　she　could　trade　immortality　for　mortality　again。　Any　one　of　us　would　stand　in　fire　for　it。　Burn　for　as　many　days　or　centuries　as　were　necessary。　Most　of　our　kind　prized　immortality　above　anything