violent pattern and the years passed。 I was sick of it all for a very long time before anything changed 。 。 。
“Decades later； I developed a friendship with a newborn who’d remained useful and survived his first
three years； against the odds。 His name was Peter。 I liked Peter； he was 。 。 。 civilized — I suppose that’s the
right word。 He didn’t enjoy the fight； though he was good at it。
“He was assigned to deal with the newborns — babysit them； you could say。 It was a fulltime job。
“And then it was time to purge again。 The newborns were outgrowing their strength； they were due to be
replaced。 Peter was supposed to help me dispose of them。 We took them aside individually； you see； one by
one 。 。 。 It was always a very long night。 This time； he tried to convince me that a few had potential； but Maria
had instructed that we get rid of them all。 I told him no。
“We were about halfway through； and I could feel that it was taking a great toll on Peter。 I was trying to
decide whether or not I should send him away and finish up myself as I called out the next victim。 To my
surprise； he was suddenly angry； furious。 I braced for whatever his mood might foreshadow — he was a good
fighter； but he was never a match for me。
“The newborn I’d summoned was a female； just past her year mark。 Her name was Charlotte。 His feelings
changed when she came into view； they gave him away。 He yelled for her to run； and he bolted after her。 I
could have pursued them； but I didn’t。 I felt 。 。 。 averse to destroying him。
“Maria was irritated with me for that 。 。 。
“Five years later； Peter snuck back for me。 He picked a good day to arrive。
“Maria was mystified by my everdeteriorating frame of mind。 She’d never felt a moment’s depression；
and I wondered why I was different。 I began to notice a change in her emotions when she was near me —
sometimes there was fear 。 。 。 and malice — the same feelings that had given me advance warning when tie
and Lucy struck。 I was preparing myself to destroy my only ally； the core of my existence； when Peter
returned。
“Peter told me about his new life with Charlotte； told me about options I’d never dreamed I had。 In five
years； they’d never had a fight； though they’d met many others in the north。 Others who could coexist without
the constant mayhem。
“In one conversation； he had me convinced。 I was ready to go； and somewhat relieved I wouldn’t have to
kill Maria。 I’d been her panion for as many years as Carlisle and Edward have been together； yet the
bond between us was nowhere near as strong。 When you live for the fight； for the blood； the relationships you
form are tenuous and easily broken。 I walked away without a backward glance。
“I traveled with Peter and Charlotte for a few years； getting the feel of this new； more peaceful world。 But
the depression didn’t fade。 I didn’t understand what was wrong with me； until Peter noticed that it was always
worse after I’d hunted。
“I contemplated that。 In so many years of slaughter and carnage； I’d lost nearly all of my humanity。 I was
undeniably a nightmare； a monster of the grisliest kind。 Yet each time I found another human victim； I would
feel a faint prick of remembrance for that other life。 Watching their eyes widen in wonder at my beauty； I could
see Maria and the others in my head； what they had looked like to me the last night that I was Jasper
Whitlock。 It was stronger for me — this borrowed memory — than it was for anyone else； because I could
feel everything my prey was feeling。 And I lived their emotions as I killed them。
“You’ve experienced the way I can manipulate the emotions around myself； Bella； but I wonder if you
realize how the feelings in a room affect me。 I live every day in a climate of emotion。 For the first century of my
life； I lived in a world of bloodthirsty vengeance。 Hate was my constant panion。 It eased some when I left
Maria； but I still had to feel the horror and fear of my prey。
“It began to be too much。
“The depression got worse； and I wandered away from Peter and Charlotte。 Civilized as they were； they
didn’t feel the same aversion I was beginning to feel。 They only wanted peace from the fight。 I was so wearied
by killing — killing anyone； even mere humans。
“Yet I had to keep killing。 What choice did I have？ I tried to kill less often； but I would get too thirsty and
I would give in。 After a century of instant gratification； I found selfdiscipline 。 。 。 challenging。 I still haven’t
perfected that。”
Jasper was lost in the story； as was I。 It surprised me when his desolate expression smoothed into a
peaceful smile。
“I was in Philadelphia。 There was a storm； and I was out during the day — something I was not
pletely fortable with yet。 I knew standing in the rain would attract attention； so I ducked into a little
halfempty diner。 My eyes were dark enough that no one would notice them； though this meant I was thirsty；
and that worried me a little。
“She was there — expecting me； naturally。” He chuckled once。 “She hopped down from the high stool at
the counter as soon as I walked in and came directly toward me。
“It shocked me。 I was not sure if she meant to attack。 That’s the only interpretation of her behavior my
past had to offer。 But she was smiling。 And the emotions that were emanating from her were like nothing I’d
ever felt before。
“‘You’ve kept me waiting a long time；’ she said。”
I didn’t realize Alice had e to stand behind me again。
“And you ducked your head； like a good Southern gentleman； and said； ‘I’m sorry； ma’am。’” Alice
laughed at the memory。
Jasper smiled down at her。 “You held out your hand； and I took it without stopping to make sense of what
I was doing。 For the first time in almost a century； I felt hope。”
Jasper took Alice’s hand as he spoke。
Alice grinned。 “I was just relieved。 I thought you were never going to show up。”
They smiled at each other for a long moment； and then Jasper looked back to me； the soft expression
lingering。
“Alice told me what she’d seen of Carlisle and his family。 I could hardly believe that such an existence was
possible。 But Alice made me optimistic。 So we went to find them。”
“Scared the hell out of them； too；” Edward said； rolling his eyes at Jasper before turning to me to explain。
“Emmett and I were away hunting。 Jasper shows up； covered in battle scars； towing this little freak” — he
nudged Alice playfully — “who greets them all by name； knows everything about them； and wants to know
which room she can move into。”
Alice and Jasper laughed in harmony； soprano and bass。
“When I got home； all my things were in the garage；” Edward continued。
Alice shrugged。 “Your room had the best view。”
They all laughed together now。
“That’s a nice story；” I said。
Three pairs of eyes questioned my sanity。
“I mean the last part；” I defended myself。 “The happy ending with Alice。”
“Alice has made all the difference；” Jasper agreed。 “This is a climate I enjoy。”
But the momentary pause in the stress couldn’t last。
“An army；” Alice