亲浴∩淼哪芰Γ崛盟怯辛己玫母芯酢６腥艘胱晕腋芯醪淮恚捅匦攵懒⒆灾鞯厝〉弥种帧〕晒Α�
在男人看来，不请自来的建议就是认为他们不知道该做什么，不能凭独自的力量获取胜 利。他们对此很恼火，因为个人能力对于他们非常重要。然而，如果男人确实需要帮助，取 得帮助也是明智的举措。在这种情况下，他会和一位自己敬重的人谈论自己的困难。男人谈 论困难就是请求他人提供意见。被请求的人因此会颇感荣幸，并顺其自然地抒发感想，听对 方诉说，然后提供宝贵的建议。男人的这种习惯在一定程度上导致了他们在倾听女人谈论自 己的情感和困『惑』时，本能地提供解决方案。
女人却对这些不重视。她们是在感情和与人相处的好坏以及交流中确定自我的感觉。女 人在诉说感情和彼此联系中获得满足。交流对于她们至关重要，分担私人感情比达到目的重 要得多，让她们获得满足感的巨大源泉之一就是交谈与联系。男人看重的是目的，女人看重 的是关系。她们更在意对善意、友爱和关怀的表达。女人具有敏锐的直觉，能处处为他人的 需求和情感着想是她们引以为豪的事。不经邀请而主动向同伴提供帮助，被她们看做是伟大 的爱的展示。女人不洞悉男人的天『性』，就很容易在不知不觉中伤害了挚爱的男人。
爱情神奇而微妙，只有大家都记住男女之间的差异，爱情才会永恒。
whispering love
anonymous
imagine that men are from mars and women are from venus。 one day； long ago； the martians； looking through their telescopes； discovered the venusians。 just g limpsing the venusians awakened feelings they had never known。 they fell in love and quickly invented space travel and flew to venus。 the venusians welcomed the martians with open arms。 the love between the venusians and martians was magica l。 they delighted in being together； doing things together and sharing together。 both the martians and venusians forgot that they were from different planets； a nd were supposed to be different。 and one morning； everything they had learned a bout their differences was erased from their memory。 and since that day； men and women have been in conflict。
the most frequently expressed complaint women have about men is that men don 't listen。 either a man completely ignores her when she speaks； or he listens fo r a few beats； assesses what's bothering her； and then he proudly puts on his mr 。 fixit hat； and offers her a solution to make her feel better。 no matter how many times she tells him that he's not listening； he doesn't get it； and he keep s doing the same thing。 she wants empathy； he thinks she wants solutions。
the most frequently expressed complaint men have about women is that women a re always trying to change them。 when a woman loves a man； she feels responsible to assist him in growing and tries to help him improve the way he does things。 she forms the home improvement committee； and he becomes her primary focus。 no m atter how much he resists her help； she persists； waiting for an opportunity to help him or to tell him what to do。 she thinks she's nurturing him； while he fee ls he's being controlled。 martians value power； competency； efficiency； and achi evement。 their sense of self is defined through their ability to achieve results 。 achieving goals is very important to a martian； because it's the way for him t o prove his competence and thus feel good about himself。 and for him to feel goo d about himself； he must achieve these goals alone； by himself。 to offer a man u nsolicited advice is to presume that he doesn't know what to do or that he can't do it on his own。
men are very touchy about this； because the issue of competence is so very i mportant to them。 however； if he truly does need help； then it's a sign of wisdo m to get it。 in this case； he'll find someone he respects and then talk about hi s problem。 talking about a problem on mars is an invitation for advice。 another martian feels honored by the opportunity。 automatically； he puts on his mr。 fix it hat； listens for a few beats； and then offers some jewels of advice。 this m artian custom is one of the reasons men instinctively offer solutions when a wom an talks about her feelings or about her problems。
venusians have different values。 their sense of self is defined through thei r feelings and the quality of their relationships and their communication。 they experience fulfillment through sharing and relating。 communication is of primary importance。 to share their personal feelings is much more important than achiev ing goals or sucomess。 talking and relating to one another is a source of tremend ous fulfillment。 instead of being goaloriented； women are relationshiporient ed。 they are more concerned with expressing their goodness； their love； their ca ring。 venusians are very intuitive。 they pride themselves on being considerate o f the needs and feelings of others。 a sign of great love is to offer help and as sistance to another venusian without even being asked。 without this insight into the nature of men； it's very easy for a woman to unknowingly and unintentionall y hurt and offend the man she loves most。
love is magical； and it can last if we remember our differences。
爱是艰难的
勒内。马利亚。里尔克
勒内。马利亚。里尔克（1875—1926），奥地利诗人。大学攻读哲学、艺术与文学史。 里尔克的诗歌尽管充满孤独痛苦情绪和悲观虚无思想，但艺术造诣很高。本篇节选自他的书 信集《给一位青年诗人的十封信》。
爱，很好。但爱是艰难的，因为我们去爱别人：这也许是神给予我们的最艰难、最重大 的任务，是最后的考验与测试，是最崇高的工作，别的工作都不过是为此而做的准备。所以 那些一切都还刚刚开始的青年们还不能去爱，他们必须要学习。必须用他们整个的生命、用 一切的力量，用集聚了他们寂寞、痛苦和荣誉感的心去学习爱。在学习时期这个长久而专注 的过程中，爱就会永远地铭刻心扉——深深的寂寞中孤独地等待，是为了所爱的人。爱的要 义并不是什么倾心、献身、或二人的结合（那会是怎样的一种结合呢？是一种糊涂的、不负 责任的、轻率的结合）。它对于个人是一种崇高的动力，是去成熟并实现自身的圆满，去完 成一个世界，是为了另一个人而完成一个自己的世界，这是一个艰巨的、不可妥协的目标， 用坚定的信念，向远方召唤。青年们应把爱当作他们的课业、他们的工作的意义，并在其中 （“昼夜不停地探索、锤炼”）去使用那些给与他们的爱。至于倾心、献身，以及结合，还 不是他们所能做的（他们还需长时间地克制、积累），那是最后的终点，也许是我们现在还 几乎不能达到的境界。
love is difficult
rainer maria rilke
it is also good to love： because love is difficult。 for one human being to l ove another human being： that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been e ntrusted to us； the ultimate task； the final test and proof； the work for which all other work is merely preparation。 that is why young people； who are beginner s in everything； are not yet capable of love： it is something they must learn。 w ith their whole being； with all their forces； gathered around their solitary； an xious； upwardbeating heart； they must learn to love。 but learningtime is alw ays a long； secluded time ahead and far on into life； is solitude； a heightened and deepened kind of aloneness for the person who loves。 loving does not at firs t mean merging； surrendering； and uniting with another person （for what would a union be of two people who are unclarified； unfinished； and still incoherent； it is a high inducement for the individual to ripen； to become something in himsel f； to become world； to become world in himself for the sake of another person； i t is a great； demandin